can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
