Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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