drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
