WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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