Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
