Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
