the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So many bounce houses so little time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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