I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
