Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
