the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A+ Viking dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
