I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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