you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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