Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize