bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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