dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
