There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
