after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
