Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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