imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
