I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
