Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
