Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
