I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
