I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
