i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
