just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that's an acceptable place to lick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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