i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
