Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
