I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is classic penis vs brain.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
