I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
a search helicopter?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
