Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
