Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
