Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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