I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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