I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
