Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
