Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
its liver damage thursday
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