too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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