You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
