The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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