Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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