My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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