can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
