do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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