is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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