this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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