Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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