I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
