Do you still have your period?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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