hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
