how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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