Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
