I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
