i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
