I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
