the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
