after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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