I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
