the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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