Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
