so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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