I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
even my farts smell like vagina
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
