Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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