Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
