My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
