piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
