Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
