is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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