As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
