I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
