called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
