Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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