remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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