I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
