i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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