I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
