Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
