I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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