dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
